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Opening Lines Voting round one (be prepared to scroll)

Poll: Biggest Poll Ever Created By Humans. Pick one under each screenname. (16 member(s) have cast votes)

Antilla

Whenever she was around, Monday typically lost his bearings. Tripping over innocuous cracks in the pavement. Falling flat like an ill conceived simile. (5 votes [31.25%])
Percentage of vote: 31.25%
I'm the man behind the branding of those "Dignity" adult diapers your grandparents are ashamed to admit they buy. Secretly my firm had to know I was single-handedly perpetrating the biggest joke on geriatrics ever. "Oh dear," sagging old men everywhere must have said, "I've just used up my last bit of Dignity® ... and it's only Tuesday..." (3 votes [18.75%])
Percentage of vote: 18.75%
Under the black tendril branches of the orchard canopy, he nurses at the blunt between his fingers before passing it to his companion. Spheres of rotten Golden Delicious litter the ground around them. "Technically speaking," he says as he plucks a piece of rancid fruit from one of the dead limbs, "Johnny Appleseed was America's first pot-head." (3 votes [18.75%])
Percentage of vote: 18.75%
Ever try to sue a koala? Good luck with that. Five years of litigation and all I've ever been awarded is a bag of partially chewed eucalyptus. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
Circus clowns are jerks. Kill them all. Let their semi-comical, water-spewing daisy deity sort them out. (4 votes [25.00%])
Percentage of vote: 25.00%

Cashmere

"Pull yourself together," Emma thought as she pulled on her dingy coat and mismatched gloves. "How are you supposed to find food for baby David if you spend all morning sleeping? After all, you're six years old now and you're all he's got." (4 votes [25.00%])
Percentage of vote: 25.00%
Today is supposed to be the best day of my life, but now, even hours later, all I can see is the rain spattering on the sign: FLORIDA STATE PENITENTIARY. I used my phone call to leave a message for my mom, but it's only a matter of time before my bride-to-be finds out. She's going to kill me. (12 votes [75.00%])
Percentage of vote: 75.00%

Copper

Tap tap tap tappity tap tap clash, “YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!” Tap tap tap tappity tap tap squish. The drumstick had become such an accustomed extension of his hand that when he thrust it up through the roof of her perennially open mouth his only worry was that it might break. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
Lola cackled around an excessively phallic cigar as she jammed down the hill on pink roller skates with the straps of her twin thigh holsters chafing the smooth skin beneath them. Papi, the feces flinging monkey on her back, giggled and bombarded their pursuers with last nights Taco Bell as Lola used her flame thrower to light her victory cigar. She leaned into a turn and left only a miasma of cherries, poop and scorched eyebrow hair for their tail to stew in. (3 votes [18.75%])
Percentage of vote: 18.75%
“I will go Dutch Schultz all over your Billy Bathgate if you don’t bring me the numbers and throw them up into the air until they turn into letters. Dutch Schultz.” (4 votes [25.00%])
Percentage of vote: 25.00%
A fat gold band nearly completely covered in a forest of knuckle hair flashed in the sunlight as sausage fingers after sausage finger plopped onto the rusted roof of a Buick Le Sabre. The wench was late and he was hungry. (8 votes [50.00%])
Percentage of vote: 50.00%

GreenLightBaby

He’d recognize her sexy long legs anywhere. Last time they were perfectly tight around his waist. Heaven. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
Feeling the pull of the kaleidoscope of light and howling wind, he called to her, "Follow me!" Placing her hands over her heart, she shook her head, shouting, "I'm scared." Darkness fell as the sniper's bullet rang out. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
Awaiting their execution by firing squad, Anna slapped Jake with her handcuffs muttering, "It's your ****ing fault we got caught." Dropping down on one knee, Jake pleaded, "Marry me Anna." "Marry me and live, Anna, or marry Jake and die," boomed a male voice from the speakers above them. (8 votes [50.00%])
Percentage of vote: 50.00%
Death stalked me. The swing of the scythe just a hairbreadth from decapitating me. Unfortunately, Death never saw his own death -- by his own scythe. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
"Charlie's motto is 'Live, grow stronger, let Prozac, Abilify, Sominex, Prilosec, Aricept and Viagra take care of the rest, especially the Viagra.' As Karen mixed the powered drug cocktail into his red wine, she murmured, "You forgot the nitroglycerin, but I didn't." (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
Silence is a virtue after bad sex. (5 votes [31.25%])
Percentage of vote: 31.25%
only time I've been like Jack Bauer is when I played and won the arcade version of Time Crisis II with one quarter. Unlike Jack Bauer, who lost two lives, I lost none of the three I had. Then Jack Bauer turned to me and asked, "You ever been in a Chinese prison?" (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%

Nixie

Each snowflake that fell on Lisa's openly staring and freshly dead eyes took approximately 2 minutes to melt. This process was an unintentional but fitting commentary on her now finished life. (6 votes [37.50%])
Percentage of vote: 37.50%
Their first look lasted one full breath, their first kiss lasted one full heartbeat, but their first argument lasted the rest of their lives. Harold and Eloise's relationship could be summed up suchly. (10 votes [62.50%])
Percentage of vote: 62.50%

Richcelt

Last week the paper read: "Definitive proof dragons existed!" They'd found bones as evidence. This week's headline read: "'Dragon' a hoax!" The fossils were of a Pteranodon and an Apatosaurus on top of each other. Ken could only laugh. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
The Hadrian floated into the docking station as the hanger doors closed. There was extensive damage to the hull; parts of the ship had been exposed to the vacuum of space. The opening salvos of the civil war had been fired. (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
"Operation: Market Garden" was aptly named, ironically; it was a meat market, and a future flower garden "watered" by the blood of many soldiers. (3 votes [18.75%])
Percentage of vote: 18.75%
The first thing Professor Simmons did upon entering the room was to lay on his back on the floor, look up at the acoustic tiles above us, and ask, "Ever wonder why the sky is blue?" (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
Samantha Reynolds was an okay enough person, so long as you didn't mind her non sequiturs. If you were having a conversation about the TV show you watched last night, she'd say something about how her goat got stuck in the fence. (4 votes [25.00%])
Percentage of vote: 25.00%
Legend states that the one born with the mark of the phoenix shall rise out of the ashes of civilization. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
"Eban, is that a tattoo on your arm? That fire-bird looking thing?" "No, Ms. Castile. It's some king of birthmark." (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
"Look, I don't mean to be ungrateful or rude, but could somebody help me out of this ****ing car? I still have a date I'd like to get to tonight." (3 votes [18.75%])
Percentage of vote: 18.75%

R.C. Allen

I went away. I did not come back. Allow me to explain. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
Bill is old, and cold, and old and cold and old. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
She grabbed on me tight and with a quick jerk of hand tore it clean away. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
The last word spoken aloud by Moses in Cecil B. DeMille's The Ten Commandments is "thereof". Who among us can know the reason behind this? Sally can, and did, and refuses to share her knowledge with me and for this she shall pay. (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
The television was gone. (4 votes [25.00%])
Percentage of vote: 25.00%
My legs buckled. Her breasts suppled. BEST FIELD TRIP EVER! (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
The gun said "Klu Klux Klan" but I could not hear it for the noise. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
She kicked and kicked and stopped. "I want to go back in there," she said. She was out of me two years on and now her feet were pressed all up against me the wrong way 'round and there wasn't a thing I could do. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
Frank Sinatra had killed men before, had killed women before, but there was a first time for everything and so the hermaphrodite god of an ancient chthonic civilization formed long before humanity's rise now lay dead on the carpet and it was by his hand. (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
"I am a robot," said the robot. (3 votes [18.75%])
Percentage of vote: 18.75%
Language went gdomfosfisnfis ever since the virus came and fniksnfosfos our ability to qkewnrwslkmd. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
"This pot is black pot," said the kettle. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
"You are the weakest link" and yes she said it with a confidence borne of her thousands of years of immortal life "goodbye". (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%

ShadowDog

"If you don't get out of my face in three seconds or less," Andi glared behind scruffy blonde bangs, "you're going to be rotting dog meat lying face down in a ditch." (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
"If Helen's so worried about looking silly, how in the hell has she ever had sex? Talk about looking like a drooling, grunting, basket case!" Romey paused at the unified look of shock on his student's faces. "Well, this lecture just took a darker turn than I intended. Anyway, back to Middle Earth ..." (7 votes [43.75%])
Percentage of vote: 43.75%
"Where's Johnny?" She said, and smiled in her special way, "I have a feeling he's not going to want to miss the end of the world." (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
"I had a sixty minute full body orgasm yesterday," Dania said brightly. "What?!" Mark gasped, finally looking up from his textbook. "Thought that might finally get your attention." (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
"So you're my new cellmate? Okay, first thing you need to know is that diarrhea is still the best way to avoid rape so it's all about stealing mayo from kitchen, leaving it under a hot light for twelve hours, and then downing it. Do that every day and you're in good shape." Tom set his belongings down on his bunk and regarded his new cellmate, who was approximately the size of Brooklyn, warily. "Thanks!" (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
There's nothing in the universe more freeing than the knowledge that you only have 24 hours to live. (5 votes [31.25%])
Percentage of vote: 31.25%

Sheep Murderer

The spirits of the damned know science. It is the blasphemy that burned their lives and their rest. As he watched the souls desperately snatch up the foglets on his steel worktable, Vince knew the world was doomed. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
Yo, my name is Derek and I **** goldfish with thousand-dollar toothpicks. (4 votes [25.00%])
Percentage of vote: 25.00%
How he managed to get my intestines around my neck to hang me like an ornament from my Christmas tree, I do not know. What I do know is that my children are in grave danger and I can't get down. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
Fido, I thought you loved me, boy. Why are you chewing on my breast? (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
The shimmer of his aura clashes so gently with the shine of my chainsaw. I could kill this beautiful man forever. (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
Slugs are most amiable creatures. They are slimy, ugly, and slow, yet no one can fault them for it. Why can't he be more like that? (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
The creaking martini glass weighed heavy with its silver contents. Jacky struggled to swirl the drink with a plastic sword as she contemplated the value of submitting her sanity to the concoction. She prayed to the inventor of the stress-relieving brew of vodka, vermouth, and mercury that this would not kill her. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
Ants crawled their way up the copper hooks towards Newt's bleeding honey covered eyes. If her lower jaw had not been ripped off for her crimes, her screams would have shattered the lone basement window. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
As the walls harshly vibrated with the motions of wild sex, Shawn found himself contemplating the frequency and its detrimental effects on the building. As the dorm was made during the 60's to withstand fallout, he wasn't too horribly concerned. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
The purple lights keep ramming against the inside of my skull. I guess that bleach covered cockroach I ate isn't too happy with it's new home after all. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
The dull strings of lights hung like dead angels from the Satanmas trees that lined the dark path. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
My beast of a mother keeps telling me that when I drink I am hit by the train of stupidity. I wish I were hit by a train, then I would never have to see her hovering eyes again. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
Where went the "Welsh Wonder" Walter? Twas tonight, the Tented Terror of Toads? (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
Ever so quietly the boy opened the package containing his grandmother's greatest love. (4 votes [25.00%])
Percentage of vote: 25.00%
"Yeah, I should really name my kid Victor and give him a strict upbringing of the British level. Inevitably, he would become the perfect ladies' man. Absolutely lethal!" (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
What an amazing jawline that girl has! Those high cheekbones that practically block her vision! How I long to wire them together, to retain that rare perfection. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
Fate gently left this perfect little blue-eyed baby boy stuffed in my vertical mailbox. Once I sew him back together, he will grow to be such a big healthy child! (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
Our love was like Spiny Norman. It was the largest around, but was always looking for some other prick. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
Xexilia basked in the snowglobe of home in search of tranquility. She wished that nothing could break the glass of her sky, but she knew who held the hammer. (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
The Bacardi bottle opened it's fanged jaws as my lips neared and growled at me. I tried forcing the bottle to kindly give me its contents by forcing the teeth apart, but the beast was just too stubborn. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
The flashy ninja sprinted across the telephone lines as if they were pavement, bag in hand. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
Oh, woe: Thy beginning starts with a 'w' because you are bosom friends with women, my mortal enemy! (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%

Svenn

Y'all ought to know by now that love ain't real, least not the kind those bull**** writers write about in stories. Kind of like how a worried old man'll hear about a friend having a heart attack, and then imagine pains in his own chest for the rest of the day, fools read that crap and start thinking, "hey, I feel that way too." (3 votes [18.75%])
Percentage of vote: 18.75%
He was a wirey young fellow in a three-piece suit, with a jubilant demeanor and a two-time step that made even the least destitute inhabitants of the Shantytown uncomfortable, much in the same way that the first green shoots of a mild spring day emphasize the uselessness of last fall's remaining dead leaves. (8 votes [50.00%])
Percentage of vote: 50.00%
Bob finished his breakfast alone, wondering if anybody thought of him as normal. What the hell was normal anyway? "Ah, who cares," he thought, and then he started to think about more important things, such as whether he would be able to find more brains in time to scramble with his eggs for tomorrow's breakfast. (5 votes [31.25%])
Percentage of vote: 31.25%

Tank

The cocaine had been snorted and the hooker was crying and this is when my cousin chose to let me in on his deepest secret, which involved the soft plush of childhood blankies and pieces of his own anatomy that were no longer viscerally connected. (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
He drove San Fernando in darkness, at an hour so late that he shared the road with only city service vehicles and cops, which of course led to driving well below the speeds he preferred. He drove so slow that he couldn’t outrace the partial melancholies and dot-to-dot failures tied to the rear of his car like tin cans on a wedding limo. (3 votes [18.75%])
Percentage of vote: 18.75%
He fumbles with his turgid manhood, scrambling to tuck it back inside his gabardine trousers… but it is too late. A school bus full of nuns has already exploded. (4 votes [25.00%])
Percentage of vote: 25.00%
At first she thought it was her sexual prowess, but after fifteen minutes of him walking into furniture and drooling incessantly on her laminate floor, she started to suspect something was seriously amiss. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
He was born under omens, both good and bad. The caul was considered a curse by those in his sect, both familial and merely connected through interest. But he had emerged, wide-eyed and silent, from his mother's womb on a Friday, which his father thought to bee a portent of good things to come. At least for the weekend. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
As his miniature train set ran at full tilt, with both hands on the throttle, he couldn't decide which need the most adjusting: his cowboy hat, the cigar in his mouth, or his scrotum-- which had grown sticky with sweat and stuck to the inside of his thigh. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
He first experienced derision in the form of a jagged twist of metal in his left foot. He tossed aside carelessly only to be toppled by it again 30 years later. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
All his best friends failed him like high school poetry. (3 votes [18.75%])
Percentage of vote: 18.75%
The chamber was empty, but smelled of gunpowder and regret. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
"Whatever you do," she said "don't stick your **** in there." (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
The noose hangs from a rafter, inches from a photograph of her mother, like some sort of umbilical joke. (1 votes [6.25%])
Percentage of vote: 6.25%
When he wasn't obsessing over his own death, his mind often wandered back to his childhood home; the smell of old motor oil and the image of the cracked drive which led to his father's garage sanctuary. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
The estuary lay in ruin, a victim of teenage angst and petrol. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
A riot had been incited, through her fault, but she wasn't sure how exactly. She'd only asked for a coat hanger-- a standard query from one who'd locked their keys in their car. What she wasn't aware of, was where her car was parked, and what sort of office she'd walked into to make her request. The abortion clinic would have preferred she'd called AAA. (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%

Undome Telcontar

I thought it had ended, but no; that imperfect cadence drew me back. Back into a wretched symphony of lives broken and dreams crushed beneath broken brickwork and flickering neon. (0 votes [0.00%])
Percentage of vote: 0.00%
Just once, he thought bitterly, as he pulled a tin of baked beans out of the cupboard and flicked through the bread for a slice without green on. Just once, i'd like to think of a comeback to that bitch the same goddamn week. (9 votes [56.25%])
Percentage of vote: 56.25%
He stood alone at the edge of the world, and gazed out into vast nothingness. Could steal inside a man's mind, that empty black; take his soul, reduce him to madness or worse. But he was no longer mere man. (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
"It's alright! I'm here for you. Just hold on, I can't hurry this!" (2 votes [12.50%])
Percentage of vote: 12.50%
Two huge dark eyes stared adoringly up at me, the last of her tears silently merging with the rivulets of blood running from her hairline, and dripping down on to the pale bluish swell of her right breast, as beautiful as the rest of her. As I gazed down in wonder, I could hardly believe she had finally reached fifteen today; it seemed only yesterday I had held her in my arms, tiny and so fragile, in the delivery room. Now she'd always be fifteen, always my little girl, she could stay protected from the horrors of the world in this room, here with me. (3 votes [18.75%])
Percentage of vote: 18.75%

Vote Guests cannot vote

#1
Antilla

Posted 06 December 2009 - 09:56 PM

ET phone gnome

Posts: 1,136
Joined: 30 Aug 2001

If you thought that vote was tedious, imagine having to make the poll.

The thing is, we need to condense these entries down a bit. So. Vote for a single favorite in each batch of entries. If you don't see your name here, assume I hate you. Or assume that you had just one submission, and so your only gifted child will be automatically kicked through to round two. It's one or the other.

I decided to put this poll here, rather than the main Book Club forum, because I've always disliked how all the entries from past contests are in the Amphitheatre - yet to find out who won each vote you hafta dig up the corresponding Book Club post. And it can be difficult.

I'm thinking of keeping this vote open until Wednesday. A full three day tour. By then the winners should be apparent and we can move on to the real deal. We'll see.

This post has been edited by Antilla: 06 December 2009 - 10:23 PM

worst signature ever

#2
Cashmere

Posted 06 December 2009 - 10:26 PM

puppy mama

Posts: 4,784
Joined: 25 Nov 2000

Have I ever mentioned that you're my hero, Antilla? Thanks for all your work on this. :thumbsup:

I'll be voting tomorrow when I have time to weigh each option carefully.

Smile, be happy!

Join us for the Nightly Reading Spectacular!

#3
Sheep Murderer

Posted 06 December 2009 - 10:29 PM

See? FEMALE.

Posts: 5,248
Joined: 30 Jun 2004

Through this voting method, are we giving up on the award sections....?

"Second, you pull out intestines, chop off heads and insert safari animals willynally to people and stealing makes you gasp. Priorities, missy !" -Darth Virul, my cheery enemy

There's a good chance I'm female....but that could be the insanity talking.

#4
Antilla

Posted 06 December 2009 - 10:35 PM

ET phone gnome

Posts: 1,136
Joined: 30 Aug 2001

No. This is just to narrow things down to one entry per person. That one entry will then be thrown in the mix with everyone else's to be categorized and voted upon. I would have made a huge poll with the categories and stuff to start with, but I felt like there would be too many entries for the number of votes that will be cast - and we would end up with a 7 way two-vote-each tie for first. This will be better. I think.

Quote

Have I ever mentioned that you're my hero, Antilla?

That's why I get paid the big bucks. I DO GET PAID, RIGHT?

worst signature ever

#5
Foxglove

Posted 06 December 2009 - 11:06 PM

Anglophile

Posts: 1,509
Joined: 2 May 2008

Good heavens! Giving us 3 days is spot on, Antilla. :yes:

Bella- "It doesn't make sense for you to love me."
Rifftrax- "The Twilight series summed up in 9 words."

#6
IMericka

Posted 07 December 2009 - 12:15 AM

a kiss with a fist

Posts: 14,528
Joined: 21 Aug 2002

wait, it's time to vote already?

what day is it

where am i

Maddox said:

will reply to your bitch ass tomorrow, cupcake

carniVore said:

Ericka, I want to say in dreams, what I can not say on the Subverse.

I love you.

#7
Iceheart

Posted 07 December 2009 - 08:35 AM

still an arrow unshot, fixed in a bow

Posts: 12,863
Joined: 16 Jul 2000

Antilla, on 6 Dec 2009, 10:56 PM, said:

If you thought that vote was tedious, imagine having to make the poll.

Yeah, kudos to your dedication! I hope you rewarded yourself with a good stiff drink :eek:

As for the voting itself, that was hard

"A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally."

~ Lillian Day

#8
Richcelt

Posted 07 December 2009 - 08:53 AM

Musician, Historian, and Stalker Extraordinaire

Posts: 8,330
Joined: 22 Aug 1999

Yeah, extra kudos for compiling all of that.

Having it listed that way made it easier for me to compare. For me, I looked at all of those lines and picked the ones I thought were the best opening lines. There were others amongst them that were better lines over all, but to me sounded like they'd be better in the middle of a story (maybe a chapter beginning) rather than the first line of a story. So I tended to vote for those. That's my thinking anyways. As Six famously says, "your mileage may vary".

And I'm just as guilty of it. I look back over the ones I wrote and realize that some are better elsewhere. It just illustrates how hard an opening line is.

Wizard's First Rule: People are stupid; people can be made to believe any lie, either because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it's true.
-- Terry Goodkind

Who is the Starchild??
What is Eriskald?
Where is your Soulmate?
"The Best I Could Come Up With at the Time"

#9
Sonny

Posted 07 December 2009 - 09:41 AM

Scared of MonkeyDog

Posts: 3,416
Joined: 10 May 2007

I am still laughing over the line "Silence is a virtue after bad sex." And I didn't even vote for it because I like the firing squad opening better! But that's funny.

Quote

The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'

- Rich Jeni

Ally "How about your sister? Is she-?"

Bria "Helen? Oh, we sort of lost touch. Uh, she's - how would you describe her, Robert?"

Robert "Dead."

#10
GreenLightBaby

Posted 07 December 2009 - 11:55 AM

Following my muse

Posts: 552
Joined: 7 Sep 2006

Sonny, on 7 Dec 2009, 10:41 AM, said:

I am still laughing over the line "Silence is a virtue after bad sex." And I didn't even vote for it because I like the firing squad opening better! But that's funny.

Honestly, I couldn't think of a second line after that one because I was laughing too hard. There's two TV characters I can see saying that line: Richard Castle and Fox Mulder. Deadpan delivery upon seeing the murder scene.

Well, I love traveling. My goal was to climb Everest, swim the English Channel and paddle the Amazon before I was 30. ~~~ Ryan Simms

When you find yourself out in the cold, all you can do is put your head down and try to survive. ~~~ Michael Westen

The Finley Method To Success: Always let your reputation make the first impression. A legend is two parts mystery, one part swagger. Men of few words make the most impact. Always operate in the shadows. Mojito first - questions later.

#11
ShadowDog

Posted 07 December 2009 - 01:42 PM

I'm "Facebook official" with PIE

Posts: 32,026
Joined: 15 Feb 2005

I still need to finish reading all the entries and give feedback, so it'll probably be tomorrow before I vote.

Some quotes are funny: "A sandwich takes maybe two minutes to assemble -- three if you can't find a clean knife, four at worst if you're stricken with carpal tunnel." ~ NumberSix

Some quotes are profound: "I agree with what I said before." ~ Mara Jade Skywalker

And some quotes make you wonder what in the **** you just read: "look, we know we shag wee boys, but the beatles are ok now so it's cool." ~ Boba Sweat

Ender's reaction to every movie ever made except for The Big Lebowski: "This movie sucked."

#12
IMericka

Posted 08 December 2009 - 03:29 AM

a kiss with a fist

Posts: 14,528
Joined: 21 Aug 2002

Antilla, on 6 Dec 2009, 07:56 PM, said:

If you don't see your name here, assume I hate you.

I've thought about it a lot, and have decided that I hate you back.

Maddox said:

will reply to your bitch ass tomorrow, cupcake

carniVore said:

Ericka, I want to say in dreams, what I can not say on the Subverse.

I love you.

#13
Sonny

Posted 08 December 2009 - 08:21 AM

Scared of MonkeyDog

Posts: 3,416
Joined: 10 May 2007

The Nixie, Copper, and Shadowdog ties are all unexpected and fascinating. For instance the feeling I got from replies was that Nixie's second entry was the clear favorite. Fascinating.

Quote

- Rich Jeni

Ally "How about your sister? Is she-?"

Bria "Helen? Oh, we sort of lost touch. Uh, she's - how would you describe her, Robert?"

Robert "Dead."

#14
ShadowDog

Posted 08 December 2009 - 09:30 AM

I'm "Facebook official" with PIE

Posts: 32,026
Joined: 15 Feb 2005

That was probably the most difficult contest vote ever for me.

#15
GreenLightBaby

Posted 08 December 2009 - 09:44 AM

Following my muse

Posts: 552
Joined: 7 Sep 2006

ShadowDog, on 8 Dec 2009, 10:30 AM, said:

That was probably the most difficult contest vote ever for me.

Amen brother. Amen.

#16
DeathLurtz

Posted 08 December 2009 - 10:16 AM

Go on run, run you ****ing lunatics!

Posts: 3,061
Joined: 3 Mar 2004

agreed. and tedious, though nothing compared to the everest-like task of assembling it.

Vote Lurtz for Mod:
Music needs a friend

#17
Cashmere

Posted 08 December 2009 - 01:21 PM

puppy mama

Posts: 4,784
Joined: 25 Nov 2000

Voting accomplished! I can't even fathom what it would have been like to select by categories in the first poll as well. I pronounce this solution a genius move.

Antilla, your check is in the mail. (Please disregard the fact that I do not have your address. It will make it there if you're meant to get it. Also, I hope you have an ID that says "Antilla.")

Smile, be happy!

Join us for the Nightly Reading Spectacular!

#18
DeathLurtz

Posted 09 December 2009 - 09:24 AM

Go on run, run you ****ing lunatics!

Posts: 3,061
Joined: 3 Mar 2004

we need some more votes. There's a couple ties yet to be broken.

Vote Lurtz for Mod:
Music needs a friend

#19
Sonny

Posted 09 December 2009 - 11:19 AM

Scared of MonkeyDog

Posts: 3,416
Joined: 10 May 2007

If the vote can stay open until about 10pm EST tonight, Nixie will get a chance to vote.

Quote

- Rich Jeni

Ally "How about your sister? Is she-?"

Bria "Helen? Oh, we sort of lost touch. Uh, she's - how would you describe her, Robert?"

Robert "Dead."

#20
Cashmere

Posted 09 December 2009 - 01:38 PM

puppy mama

Posts: 4,784
Joined: 25 Nov 2000

Voting = accomplished.
Commenting = accomplished.

Patting myself on the back = not accomplished due to lack of time.

Smile, be happy!

Join us for the Nightly Reading Spectacular!

#21
monkeygirl

Posted 09 December 2009 - 01:41 PM

Advad Disagerer

Posts: 14,802
Joined: 18 Feb 2002

WHY DON'T I GET VOTED ON? *CRIEZ*

August 18, 2008 7:16 AM
"when my posts are read with sematics they aren't always going to make sense."
~Stallion
*************************************
June 28, 2004 08:14 PM
"In my opinion it is a fact."
~Darth Simpson

#22
ShadowDog

Posted 09 December 2009 - 01:43 PM

I'm "Facebook official" with PIE

Posts: 32,026
Joined: 15 Feb 2005

You only had one entry before the deadline, sweetie. Let's hug it out. :drool:

#23
Cashmere

Posted 09 December 2009 - 01:44 PM

puppy mama

Posts: 4,784
Joined: 25 Nov 2000

You only had one entry in at the time of the deadline so that's the one that will move on to voting round 2.

As a consolation prize for all your hard work on the others you can choose between a paperclip and a thumbtack. Choose wisely.

Smile, be happy!

Join us for the Nightly Reading Spectacular!

#24
IMericka

Posted 09 December 2009 - 02:57 PM

a kiss with a fist

Posts: 14,528
Joined: 21 Aug 2002

thumbtack. pick the thumbtack.

Maddox said:

will reply to your bitch ass tomorrow, cupcake

carniVore said:

Ericka, I want to say in dreams, what I can not say on the Subverse.

I love you.

#25
monkeygirl

Posted 09 December 2009 - 03:02 PM

Advad Disagerer

Posts: 14,802
Joined: 18 Feb 2002

I didn't see any stinking deadline but whatevah.

I VOTE FOR ME

#26
Iceheart

Posted 09 December 2009 - 03:06 PM

still an arrow unshot, fixed in a bow

Posts: 12,863
Joined: 16 Jul 2000

The thread with the contest rules and the deadline is pinned at the top of the Book Club forum

"A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally."

~ Lillian Day

#27
ShadowDog

Posted 09 December 2009 - 03:08 PM

I'm "Facebook official" with PIE

Posts: 32,026
Joined: 15 Feb 2005

She's just pissed that the current EW listed LOLcats as only the 99th most awesome thing to happen this decade. She thought that retarded **** should have been in the top ten.

#28
monkeygirl

Posted 09 December 2009 - 03:27 PM

Advad Disagerer

Posts: 14,802
Joined: 18 Feb 2002

Quote

The thread with the contest rules and the deadline is pinned at the top of the Book Club forum

Nu-uh, not on my computer it isn't! THIS is the only thing pinned at the top of the forum. WTF!? *stamps feet, whines,cries*

#29
Iceheart

Posted 09 December 2009 - 03:44 PM

still an arrow unshot, fixed in a bow

Posts: 12,863
Joined: 16 Jul 2000

This is a sub-forum called "The Amphitheatre"

"A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally."

~ Lillian Day

#30
Tank

Posted 09 December 2009 - 05:27 PM

classic wedge

Posts: 29,865
Joined: 10 Jun 1999

don't explain things to Tami. It never gets any better.

all those moments lost, like tears in the rain

#31
ShadowDog

Posted 09 December 2009 - 07:49 PM

I'm "Facebook official" with PIE

Posts: 32,026
Joined: 15 Feb 2005

LMFAO! I've noticed.

#32
Nixie

Posted 09 December 2009 - 09:56 PM

showing all my haters love

Posts: 2,133
Joined: 24 Dec 2006

voted!

I wanna show all my haters love/ So I'd wave to you like
Good Mornin
Ha- ha- ha- ha- haters
Good Mornin
Ha- ha- ha- ha- haters

#33
Sheep Murderer

Posted 09 December 2009 - 10:21 PM

See? FEMALE.

Posts: 5,248
Joined: 30 Jun 2004

*GLOMP* You saved me from having to beat myself to death with a lead pipe! I LOVE YOU!!!

#34
GreenLightBaby

Posted 09 December 2009 - 11:28 PM

Following my muse

Posts: 552
Joined: 7 Sep 2006

Just wondering...
Anyone going to actually write a little something from these hooks?

I'm still laughing about the "Silence is a virtue..." I don't think I can come up with something to follow it up. All I'm seeing is a murder mystery, but the comedic tone from that first line just doesn't go with the seriousness of rest of it.

BTW the ones you all didn't give any votes to are fanficish in nature. :lol:

First one's with the sniper's shot would be a Sliders one and the other is obviously a 24 one though it would have been more of a comedy since Jack is riffing Airplane.

I'll have to think of something for the firing squad one because I really like the opening.

#35
Foxglove

Posted 09 December 2009 - 11:33 PM

Anglophile

Posts: 1,509
Joined: 2 May 2008

I adore that opening! Please post what comes of it here if you ever do it!

Bella- "It doesn't make sense for you to love me."
Rifftrax- "The Twilight series summed up in 9 words."

#36
Antilla

Posted 10 December 2009 - 09:07 AM

ET phone gnome

Posts: 1,136
Joined: 30 Aug 2001

I think an interesting contest would be one where you have to write a story using one of these lines ... only the one you pick can't be from the group you originally authored.

worst signature ever

#37
Richcelt

Posted 10 December 2009 - 10:36 AM

Musician, Historian, and Stalker Extraordinaire

Posts: 8,330
Joined: 22 Aug 1999

The only caveat to that would be to restrict it so that only one person can pick one line from one particular author, so that everyone doesn't go flocking to one person's lines and leave everyone else out (some wrote enough for everyone to take one, with a few left over). For, example, if Copper chose a line of Tank's, that closes him down so that no one else can pick a Tank line. So Copper picks Tank, then Tank picks SD, then SD picks Nixie, and so on, just for example.